Purity & Relationships

OBJECTIVE

The objective of this lesson is to contrast between relationships inside and outside the scope of Christian living, specifically regarding dating and preparation for marriage. Students will be able to differentiate between relationships that are acceptable for their age versus ones that are impure or harmful. Finally, students will learn how to set boundaries to guard themselves against impure relationships.

INTRODUCTION & HOOK - 5 Minutes

NOTE TO SERVANT: For this lesson, it is recommended that classes be separated by gender to allow students to feel more comfortable with the topics presented.

Please review the previous week's lesson. (5 minutes)

In the beginning of the lesson pass out two sheets of construction paper (preferably different colors) and glue to each student. Instruct some students to put a little bit of glue on one side of the construction paper, and some to put larger amounts. Next, students will put the two papers together so they are glued to each other. Leave the papers to dry until the end of the lesson, where the next steps will be explained.

Explain to the students: Adolescence and teen years are very critical and also challenging years. There are many physical and hormonal changes that take place, as well as increased desire for attention and attraction from the opposite sex. All these things have a dramatic impact on a teenager's self esteem and becomes the center and focus of a teenager's life, even without realizing. While all these feelings are valid and normal, it is how we channel and deal with them that dictate what kind of life we will lead and the choices we make.

Some people may look at the bevhior of the larger society and try to be a "part of the crowd" which can lead youth to go beyond the acceptable limits of Christian boundaries to get this acceptance and attraction from the opposite sex. It is usually easier to follow the stream than to stand against it, especially at a young age. However, it is critical as Christian youth to know and set clear boundaries for our thoughts and behaviors.

HOLY SCRIPTURE - 5 Minutes

Memory Verse - For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)

CONTENT (KEY POINTS) - 25 Minutes

In this section, we will contrast between relationships inside and outside the scope of Christian living. We will focus our discussion around dating. As a visual aid, draw two circles and label them Christian and Non-Christian relationships.

Explain to the students that the purpose of "dating" is to prepare for the Holy Mystery of Matrimony (marriage): which needs to be done when one is spiritually and emotionally ready, with the guidance of a spiritual father/father of confession. It is when relationships are taken outside of this context that they become impure.

Relationships Outside the Scope of Christian Life

Teen/Casual Dating

Society today paints a deceivingly glamourous picture of what this kind of lifestyle looks like. On the surface, it seems desirable and fun, however, when we take a closer look, it is clear that these relationships are shallow, ego-centric, and often short-lived.
These begin when two people begin to form exclusive attachments beyond casual friendship. This frequently leads to physical intimacy on different levels that can easily escalate. In some cases the two individuals start to pretend to be husband and wife.
Improper reasons for dating include: to have a good time, to overcome loneliness, to make oneself look good, peer pressure, low-self esteem, physical gratification, etc.
Early dating results in missed opportunities, decreased concentration/poor performance in school, neglecting spiritual and inner growth, and sometimes irreversible consequences.
Often end up in heartbreak, hurt, depression/anxiety, lack of trust, and other forms of emotional/psychological, physical, and spiritual damage.

Relationships Within the Scope of Christian Life

Teenage Relationships - Friendship

As teens, relationships should remain at the level of friendship without forming exclusive attachments such as boyfriends or girlfriends.
The wisest route to take is to not get attached to one person, especially at this age, when you are years and years from getting married.
- Spend time in groups
- Remember, you are most likely spending time with someone else's future spouse
- Remember that marriage requires a lot of emotional and spiritual development that may be inhibited by being preoccupied by an immature relationship
- Be cautious with physical touching as it can escalate to impure or inappropriate behavior, and irreversible consequences.
It seems so tempting when someone shows interest in you, especially if you are also interested in them. This is where your personal relationship with Christ becomes so important. If you are reading the Bible and praying and in connection with God, then He can fill you and help you be strong.
This time in your life is the time to learn how to get along with everyone, including the opposite gender, but it is not the right time to act like you are ready for marriage or already married.
When we follow God's way, there is peace and happiness because God's laws were made to protect us. The devil wants us to think that God's laws are there to keep us from having fun, but when we reject His way and insist on our own way, the result is usually anxiety, sadness, depression, guilt, shame, fear, disease (STDs), unwanted pregnancy, pulls families apart, and destroys future relationships.

Preparation for Marriage

Preparation for the Mystery Matrimony and focusing on a serious relationship towards Christian love is the only legitimate purpose for dating
Brings two souls, minds, and feelings closer to each other and to God.
Physical intimacy is completely prevented in the pre-marital dating period.
Usually blessed by the family and under the guidance of the father of confession

DISCUSSION (Challenge) - 5 Minutes

What are some ways that we can make sure our relationships stay within the scope of a Christian lifestyle?
Are there any relationships in your life that don't align with a Christ-like way of living? (Allow students to think and reflect independently)
Why do you think it is important to wait for the right time before being involved in a relationship?

In this section, it may be helpful to include the following examples to help the students further understand the importance of keeping physical intimacy within God-given boundaries.

God created physical intimacy for the purpose of procreation and expression of love between a husband and wife.
Physical intimacy is holy and powerful, and it is to be used within the God-given boundary of Holy Matrimony.
When used outside of God's boundary, it can lead to irreversible damage to yourself and others.
These boundaries are not simply to restrict us, but rather are for our benefit to protect us.

Example of driving a car:

It is not a sin to drive a car, however, the law requires that those who drive to be of a certain age and to have a license.
A young person, or someone who is not licensed to drive may be tempted to perhaps sit in the driver seat, put the key in the ignition, turn on the car and rev the engine, or maybe go for a spin around the block
The problem is not with any of those actions, but rather that the person is not prepared or licensed to drive.
This may lead to serious and irreversible consequences such as harming yourself or others if one gets into an accident.
The same applies to physical intimacy outside of the boundaries of marriage
Furthermore, attraction to the opposite gender is natural and God given. Just as wanting to drive is not a sin, these feelings of attraction to the opposite gender is not a sin, so long as they are controlled and harnessed and are used at the appropriate time. Sin starts when we start entertaining these thoughts and dwelling on them.

Another example - buying a chainsaw:

A person may go to a hardware store and buy a chainsaw, which is intended for specific purposes. On the box, there are several warning labels, and inside there may be instructions or a manual outlining that the user must use it only for its intended purpose, and must take many precautions (e.g., goggles, standing on stable ground, not near water, etc.)
The manufacturer of the chainsaw understands that if used outside of its specified purposes and without precaution, the tool can be extremely dangerous and lead to serious injury to the person or someone nearby.
Just like the manufacturer of the chainsaw knows the power of the tool they made and includes warnings and instructions, God created physical intimacy knowing its power and outlined for us boundaries not to prevent us from using it at all, but to protect us.

ACTIVITY - 10 Minutes

Using the glued pairs of paper from the introduction activity, explain that the two papers represent two people in a relationship. The amount of glue represents the level of intimacy within that relationship.

Have the servant demonstrate with another pair of paper and glue.

Say: "Let's say you start getting too close to someone of the opposite gender. Maybe you text (apply glue to the construction sheet). Maybe you talk on the phone (apply glue to the construction sheet), Maybe you hang out together alone (apply glue to the construction sheet). Maybe you hold hands (apply glue to the construction sheet). Maybe you go out on a date or multiple dates (apply glue to the construction sheet)."

Now place the two sheets together and point out that this is what happens when two people form an exclusive attachment.

Say: "Now what happens when things don't work out and the two people end up going separate ways"

Have each student pull apart their two sheets that they glued at the beginning of class as carefully as they can and see what happens. They will see that the paper will rip and both sheets will be damaged.

Say: "If you are in an exclusive attachment, you are risking damaging yourself and damaging the other person physically, emotionally and spiritually. You will NOT be the same person you were before the exclusive attachment."

We can see from the papers that were glued together why we shouldn't form exclusive attachments. Imagine if we kept gluing the paper that had been pulled apart to different papers and then pulling them apart. How damaged would that piece of paper be after 2 or 3 different attachments?

LIFE APPLICATION - 10 Minutes

In order to ensure that our relationships remain pure and stay within the scope of Christian life, we must protect our heart, soul and mind especially during adolescent years. It is important to set clear boundaries to maintain spiritual and physical purity.

Be careful with how you spend your time, while making sure to give enough time to your relationship with God.
Choose your friends carefully and surround yourself with believers (Proverbs 13:20).
Give equal care to your spiritual growth as you give to your body. Spiritual growth is achieved through prayers, church meetings and Bible reading.
Discover the energies in your adolescence that can be directed towards the service in the church and others.
Guard your senses including your eyes, ears, smell and touch against temptation (Proverbs 4:23-27).
Be careful with how you use social media - avoid posting improper pictures, jokes, etc., engaging in contentions/argumentative discussions or chats, or following inappropriate channels, pages, etc.
Avoid inappropriate environments and surroundings that go against your Christian values (Proverbs 7: 24-25).
Never think that you are strong and will not be affected by bad company or bad surroundings.
Always stay in groups and avoid one to one interactions at an early stage.
Resist and share any bad/impure thoughts in confession
If you sin by thought or action, never give up or lose hope in purity - God is always waiting to forgive you if you repent and confess your sins

HOMEWORK

Consider distributing purity rings to the class, or asking students to sign a purity pledge. Discuss openly, the importance of abstinence and purity. The rings should remind the students of their unity with God.